What exactly is self-control?

This is the ability to regulate and alter your responses to avoid undesirable behaviors and increase desirable ones for achieving long-term goals.

It is the difference between impulsivity and doing what is right. When we can control our emotions, impulses, or behavior we can be said to have mastered ourselves. There is an anonymous quote that says “If you learn self-control, you can master anything.” It involves you being able to stop, think, and what could happen? Is that what I want?”  These are important questions that we need to always put in front of us. It is the ability to put boundaries, know when to stop and when not to overdo.

Your ability to pause and think before you act is great strength.

When you have self-control, you can overcome habitual behaviors that are not productive, obsessions, fears, addictions, and any kind of impulsive behavior.


why are we judged sometimes because of our lack of self-control?

  • The lack of will power which is lack the strong determination that allows you to do something difficult which is to restrain yourself. Your ability to tell yourself NO. You are able to resist short-term temptations to meet long-term goals.
  • The fear of failure, or the lack of the desire to change and improve. Many people feel that if they decide to take a step of discipline they may fail and do not want to be held accountable, so they just give in to impulsive behaviors, with no caution or accountability.
  • Lack of faith in oneself and in one’s abilities. This is simply a lack of self-confidence which is being able to trust yourself to do what you say you’ll do. You do not believe in yourself enough to keep to your decisions. For example, you tell yourself I will be more cautious with my spending because you lack faith in yourself that you made such a decision last year and you failed and feel it will happen again you throw caution into the wind.
  • Low self-esteem or self-worth. This is simply you not having value for yourself. You don’t think you deserve to be treated with respect. You may not be in this position intentionally but over the years like the definition of self-control, you give in to impulsivity and do not put yourself into consideration on how much impact your actions will have on you. 

Benefits of self-control

  1. It is a form of self-check from obsessive, impulsive, and addictive behaviors. 
  2. It gives you control over your emotions and reactions
  3. It gives you mastery over your life and brings balance into your life.
  4. It gives you confidence because you can say no, not just to yourself but to anything unproductive or harmful around you without being sorry.
  5. It gives you proper coordination for your life. You know what you can take on and what you cannot. You are the CEO of the different departments of your life.
  6. Self-control brings peace of mind. You are responsible and happy with your decisions.
  7. Self-control can enhance your decision-making capacity. Because you have time to self-talk before you act.
  8. Self-control can help you discover the real you and your uniqueness. You know your worth and value.


  1. Remove the temptations. It creates effortless self-control. Instead of struggling to resist temptation, set yourself up for success by managing yourself and your surroundings by removing those things that keep drawing you into those harmful or negative actions (impulsive behaviors). This will enable you to make the right decisions and focus on what matters
  2. Set a standard for things and hold yourself accountable. And possibly get yourself an accountability partner, someone who will be a check will hold you accountable on that area you want to improve on.
  3.  Stop, think, what could happen? Is that what you want? Then ACT Before you make a decision develop the habit of having conversations with yourself, as those are the most honest conversations anyone can have. You cannot lie to yourself; the greatest deceit is when one lies to him/herself.
  4. Work with the end in mind. Put in view the benefit you will achieve if you can take control of that situation.
  5. When you have done all and yet you still struggle with that impulsive behavior then you may need to seek professional help or Spiritual help.

Professional I mean a counselor, coach and spiritual it is time to ask God for His help to overcome that behavior.

Aristotle “what lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do.”

Take charge of your life.

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